1:51pm It’s unbelievably noisy in the canteen at meal times. The boys’ tables have an obsession with tapping their spoons in some apparently melodic way, girls sing, counselors shout and plates clatter: it’s insane. The campers are bobbing up and down, up and down, and Earl and Bud are shouting at everyone to sit down and eat their meals. Whatever I think about the older kids’ canteen time though, it’s nothing compared to the young ones. When I go in to see Cara and Emily the food is literally everywhere – faces, floor, walls and clothes – the kids are screaming and the kitchen staff look on traumatised from behind the safety of the serving stations.
Lunch today was chicken wings, perogis and this butternut squash dish that was covered in a layer of marshmallow. No wonder the kids are bouncing off the walls, depressed and fat. Every day they just get high on sugary foods and then sent back down again with drugs.
6:55pm When it comes to guys she likes, Cara falls apart. I was watching her talk to the Polish guy she likes from mountain bikes earlier and she went all giggly and red, tripping on her words. It was very sweet. She just wants to meet a nice man. She says all the guys she’s been with in Ireland are dicks who just use her and treat her like shit. She wants to do the yearlong working visa in Australia to get away from them all, but all her friends at home are ‘dry shites’ who won’t go with her and she doesn’t want to go by herself. I wish I could sack off the third year of university and go, but I really don’t have enough money and mum and dad would go mental. Cara said all her friends at home are only interested in getting married and having babies and she’s really bored there. She left her catering job to come here because she hated working every evening and weekend when everyone else was out having fun. I reckon she should sack in all this catering and work with children. She’s brilliant with them.
7:46pm I’ve just been chilling with little bitch Britney on the terrace. I think I’m actually starting to like her, just a bit. I should probably stop referring to her as little bitch Britney. She has a really sneaky sense of humour – a bit filthy, a bit mean, but very funny. She was taking the piss out of all the campers going past with ‘vocal rest’ signs hung around their necks and doing silly impressions of them. She was making me laugh, a lot.
9:12pm We had a party in the bunk for one of my campers’ birthdays earlier. We pulled the mattresses off all the beds and lay them out in the middle to lie on. Now the ice cream is somehow smeared over everything and the girls are all lying on the mattresses with their trouser buttons open. They’re filled with food regret from the eight tubs of Ben & Jerry’s we’ve just scoffed and they’re blaming me, jut screaming ‘Luucccyy’ at the top of her voice.
There’s this girl in Pip’s bunk who all the girls take the piss out of. She’s horrible to them too though, so I don’t feel that sorry for her. She walks, talks and dresses like a boy, so the kids are always saying she’s a lezza. Sometimes she’s like, ‘yeah and what,’ then other times she gets really upset. Of course I don’t really care either way, but it’s interesting watching how the kids react to each other and predicting what their life will turn out like based on my friends. I’m not judging them; I’m just thinking how I used to be a loud-mouthed, cocky bitch when inside I always felt really insecure and hated myself. Obviously now I know that being loud and annoying is quite standard for someone who’s insecure, and my teachers must’ve known this. They could see what was really going on in my head and probably made assumptions about my life too. I’m just applying the anthropology and sociology I’ve learnt over the years to them and most probably stereotyping.
She must get absolutely ripped at school, and she’ll spend a lot of her life defending herself. At the moment it’s obvious she’s having trouble accepting who she is, but so do most teenagers I guess. She’s a fun and silly person – I’ve had her in my lessons and she’s a good laugh – but she’s also very angry. She has these epic rages where she just goes mental at everyone and tries to smash the bunk up. Pip’s got her work cut out there.
11:23pm Cara and me hung out with the boys in rock shop in our free today. We pretended we were rock stars and smashed the drums and took cool photos of us with the guitars. I’ve always wanted to be able to play the guitar – never got round to it – any child of mine will learn though. I love it at rock shop – there’s a recording studio and it’s where all the cool kids hang out. The counselors are all really fit in there too. Things between me and Tim – the guy I snogged in the first week – are cool. He’s actually really funny and is getting with one of the girls from tennis now.
You can tell Cara feels intimidated by the girls here. I think it’s hard for her to speak up for herself when she’s in a group. I find everything Cara says funny, which is probably why she likes me so much. If we’re not together people will ask me where Cara is, and vice versa. Rebecca made some bitchy comment about us boxing ourselves off and excluding everyone else the other day. Well whatever, she’s doing that by being constantly miserable and only ever talking to the girl from the kitchen in corners in whispers. It’s so important to have good friends at camp and Cara is the most fun person to hang out with here. It annoys me that people won’t take the time to get to know her and give her a chance.
Stephanie’s tooth came out today so the head counselor gave me a few quarters to put under her pillow. Now the big challenge is getting them there, I don’t want her to wake up with my ugly face hanging over hers or she’d be traumatised for life. I’m thinking of dropping in Mission Impossible style – might be a bit drastic though.
11:40pm Mission accomplished. I held my breath and crept over on tippy toes while trying not to laugh. I managed to slip it under her pillow with just the smallest murmur from her. I had to go outside afterwards to deep breathe. That was funny, now I can add ‘tooth fairy’ to my CV too.