Sunday 10^th July

12:06pm We went to a bar in Winkworth last night seeing as the GC is still closed – it was so good. I felt carefree and everyone was crazy drunk. It was just what everyone needed to relax and chill out after the last week. I’d heard the locals all thought we were crazy before, now they definitely will. Pip and me had a little smooch; Zoe wasn’t having any of the free love though. I had a great drunken chat with Ben round the back of the bar. We talked about when we first saw each other and how we were both immediately attracted. As soon as he saw me he couldn’t stop thinking about me. Obviously this led to an epic snogging session and we barely spoke to anyone else for the evening. He kept buying me drinks and I ended up absolutely steaming drunk. I was so comatose in the car on the way back I didn’t even realise they’d all been to McDonalds for an hour, until we got back to camp and I saw all the boxes. Oops.

Ben and me mooched around camp for a bit to try and get rid of the smell of booze before going back to sleep in the bunk. Instead we ended up in the staff room. We thought no one else was in there and ended up getting frisky out the back in the washroom, on top of a washing machine. It was really fun at the time, but again I’m absolutely mortified. What if someone saw us? Anyone could’ve just been walking past or even come in and we probably didn’t notice. Fuck, I hope no one saw us. Imagine if a camper did? We’d be chucked off camp straight away. I’m sure they wouldn’t – that would mean them being out of their bunk at 5am – which they wouldn’t be. I’m so paranoid. At the same time I can’t wait for the next ‘wash night’ though, only got about two hour’s sleep. Tee hee!

This is a story of how working at a summer camp can change your attitudes and aspirations. I’m from the UK and when I was 18 years old I had, like everyone, big decisions to make. I knew, and had done as long as I could remember, that I wanted to go to university but with a long summer ahead of me, before the big move, I didn’t want it to go to waste. At my Sixth Form College I’d heard about Camp America opportunities and as quite an active/outdoorsy person, it sounded like something I’d really enjoy. I successfully applied, interviewed in the UK and gained a position as a camp counselor at a girl scout camp in Ohio, where I spent 3 months. But this is not the story of my summer camp experience, but about the confidence the experience gave me.

I wasn’t a very shy person, but I wasn’t particularly outgoing either. I was very nervous when I first travelled to America and started working, as although I had done the research, I still didn’t know what to expect. But the children were great. As a general camp counselor I was responsible for looking after the children, guaranteeing their wellbeing and making sure that they enjoyed themselves. The whole experience significantly improved my interpersonal and public speaking skills and massively improved my self confidence and comfortableness to live away from home. After camp, as most foreign camp workers, I used my extra one month Visa to travel in the USA. As the end drew closer I knew I had to use my new found independence and although it was never something I had considered before, I decided to take a gap year and defer my university entry.

I decided to travel and to fund that travel by teaching English as a foreign language (TEFL) abroad. I had always hated public speaking at school. The thought of standing up, alone, it front of the class was something that kept me awake at night for weeks before the event. But at Camp America I was thrown into having to address large groups of children and moreover to lead those groups. I quickly got used to the role, started preparing less and less and found that I could comfortably stand up and improvise. This made me confident that I could teach a classroom full of learners.

I had always been a bit of a home bird. I had chosen a university that was going to be only a short commute from home and I always liked to be close to my family. Living away at Camp America, in such a supportive and comfortable environment, made me find something in myself that I didn´t think I had. It was, of course, difficult at times, but it made me realize that I could be away from home. This experience gave me that confidence to travel and live abroad. I chose a TEFL class on my return to become certified to teach English and then I chose to live, teach and travel in Thailand on a one year contact, something that previously I would have never considered.

Camp America was not only a way to fill a summer and have fun in the sun, it made me change my attitudes and aspirations. I am now in Thailand with three months to go and it has truly been another great experience, one that I can only owe to Camp America.

Saturday 9^th July

2:36pm Meal times are really hard work with these girls. Everyone has to be sat upright and quiet before your table gets to go up and choose dinner. They never sit quietly: cue 20 minutes of me telling them off and asking them to calm down. They know Earl will eventually have to let us go eat, so they don’t bother shutting up. I’d be up for just sitting talking until we’re called, but if Earl sees me doing that I’ll get a bollocking so I have to just pointlessly moan at them until we’re the last ones left and Earl wants to eat his own dinner so lets us just go up anyway. Bud’s empty threats of ETB never work; the girls know he won’t go through with it. He should just enforce it one day without taking it back for some credibility.

Keakuki moves to another bunk today. I’ll be sad to see her go, I feel like we’ve become best mates in the bunk and I like hanging out with her. I’ll still see her around camp though; she’s here for the whole summer.

All the other counselors seem so negative about camp at the moment, I need them to be happier and enjoy it more so that it rubs off on me. It’s been so shit this past week with everything; I’m debating going home it’s that shit. I’ve been here for five weeks now and I’m really not enjoying looking after these campers; they’re such hard work and literally won’t do anything I say even after asking a million times. I’m going to go crazy at them soon. I want to change to a younger bunk just to get away. Zoe’s got a good way of dealing with them when they won’t listen, she just sings. She sings non-stop in a really annoying nasally way until they do as she says because they just want her to shut up. Woah there, Zoe in rare ‘doing her job’ moment, glad I recorded that, I can’t imagine it’ll happen again.

7:14pm I feel so shit about everything at the moment. I keep thinking about the Scottish girl who left. I bet she’ll be all tucked up at home now, in the safety of her home and family. I don’t know if I could actually leave, even if I wanted to. I’d be so embarrassed to go home and not see it out after all the fuss I made about coming here all this time. I’m seriously thinking about it though – these kids are a nightmare, Rebecca and Zoe are doing my head in and I’m just so tired – everyone’s so miserable, it’s shit.

8:59pm Britney’s got this little acne-ridden friend who’s really funny and obviously very rich. They’ve made ‘the pact’ that they’ll get married to each other if neither of them have a partner at 30, although I’m pretty sure he’s gay. He minces around with his handbag and pouts permanently for his imaginary paparazzi. I’d say about 80 per cent of the boys here are probably gay. I guess it is a performing arts camp. I sat with him and Britney on the two armchairs she bought to camp especially, earlier. We were out on the grassy area in front of the bunk and I was on one and those two were on the other. They kept doing filthy sex positions and asking me if they were doing them right. I can’t believe she actually brought two proper bright pink armchairs with her; I bet she leaves them behind as well.

I’m a bit jealous of how much the kids love Zoe. Although, they have admitted they only like her so much because she’s shit and lets them do what they want. She is cool, and I’d definitely love her if I was a camper, but she just doesn’t do any work. She gets away with it and is effortlessly the favourite; it’s not fair. The campers love playing with her clothes, she’s got so much cool stuff with her – fun handbags, belts, tops, jewellery – loads of stuff that makes her look instantly cooler. Oh god, I’ve just realised, I’m probably the dorkiest of us three in my ¾ khaki trousers, Birkenstocks, and surf t-shirts. Hmmm, I wonder if my new best friend Zoe will let me borrow some cool things? Not if she ever reads this diary, that’s for sure.

If you’re circulating for summer camp, waiting to hear back on an interview or just desperate to waste some time before your start date here are 21 things to do to pass the never ending time…

1. Read Secret Diary of a Camp Counselor.
2. Learn a new skill so you can show it off at camp.
3. Read up on how to control 15 teenage girls after too much sugar.
4. Practice the American National Anthem “Oh, say can you seeeeee…”
5. Watch Camp Rock, Parent Trap, Glee, Beaver Falls, then google what other films are about camp to see if you can find another one to add to the list. Watch it, then tell me about it.
6. Practice your American accent.
7. See how many different ways you can think of to say “Time to get up now”.
8. Get outside and see what that fresh air tastes like, they’ll be an overload of it at camp.
9. Get fit. You’ll need to be to keep up with the campers.
10. Go shopping. You need to decide on a capsule wardrobe for camp as literally the cooler it is, the easier it will be to get the kids to like you.
11. Read Teen Vogue and Seventeen so you can be ‘on a level’ with the kids.
12. Practice your skill, there’s sure to be one bratty kid who’s better at it than you are. Don’t let them beat you.
13. Learn a party trick. A bit of magic, being able to plait the girls’ hair, skilfully turning your eyelids inside out – and of these will go down great in quiet moments with the kids.
14. Research your camps and try and find some friends beforehand on Twitter and Facebook < they’re the links to make friends with me.
15. Catch up on Justin Bieber’s latest anthems so you know what the kids are on about.
16. Practice showering in two minutes flat – very useful skill at camp.
17. Practice pooing in one minute flat – another very useful skill at camp.
18. Teach yourself to keep a straight face when something is really funny. P p p p poker face p p p p oker face and all that – the kids will get up to some hilarious mischief, but you’re not allowed to laugh, ok?
19. Clean the house. This will stand you in good stead of non-stop clearing up after the kids.
20. Sleep as much as possible – there won’t be much time for that once you get to camp, that’s for sure.
21. Read Secret Diary of a Camp Counselor again and talk to me about it on Twitter @USCampCounselor.
    

Friday 8^th July

9:16am At breakfast the girls were taking the piss out of my campers from last session for the ‘warm and fuzzies’ game they played on the last night. They were actually being pretty funny and did make me laugh. Although I felt like a traitor, the girls from last session were so innocent and lovely. You wouldn’t believe these girls were the same age – 13 really doesn’t mean anything. Keakuki’s mature in her body but not in her mind, then there’s the little bitch Britney, well judging by what she talks about she’d be 18, but when you see her she looks more like eight.

Keakuki hates these new girls. She must be one of the odd ones at school – she’s loud, scruffy and overweight – pretty much like I was. Although, I like to think I was more popular. Maybe that’s why I feel some affinity to her when the other campers moan and bitch about her. These new girls are the cool, rich girls that all the boys like. They probably shit all over girls like Keakuki at school. I can see there’s just no way they’ll get on. Keakuki’s asked if she can move bunks and I think it’s for the best. She just doesn’t fit in, and won’t, and there’s no point forcing it as they’re only here for a few weeks. I can always see the other girls sniggering and bitching about Keakuki behind her back, so can she, and it’s really sad.

It’s been four days now since Jamie and Anna died and people have stopped crying sporadically, but you can definitely feel the sadness over camp. I can’t imagine it ever feeling completely normal again.

The Scottish girl I sat next to on the bus on the way here is leaving tomorrow. She was really upset about Jamie, and couldn’t believe the way they treated everyone over the London attacks so she’s going. She said last night’s telling off was the final straw. She asked to leave and they told her it would have to be tomorrow, and no later – I guess they don’t want her here with a negative attitude if she doesn’t want to be here. It seems so drastic. It has been horrible lately, but going home early is a rubbish thing to do, and she won’t get paid. In fact, I think you have to pay some money to the agency if there’s no valid reason to not fulfill your contract. I don’t think the fact they’re being a bit shit will cut it.

12:23pm Saw Ben on my way to visual arts earlier. We spotted each other, looked both ways, and then ducked behind the costume shop for a quick snog – delightful.

6.30pm God the Polish staff do not get off the phones. Argh! I’ve skived off dinner so I can talk to my parents properly, but they’re always in the phone boxes jabbering away. It’s so annoying – there are only two phones between all the counselors so sometimes you can give up your whole hour break trying to phone home and still not get to do it. The booths are really small, sweaty and stink of wet wood, eugh. Woo, at last, my turn.

11:16pm The 10-13-year-olds’ head counselor is a weird one. She and Rebecca are really good friends so she’s always hanging around our bunk. I think she’s from Bristol or something, not that that matters. She’s one of those people who doesn’t look at your face properly when she’s talking to you, like there’s something massively important going on behind you that she doesn’t want to miss. She’s a little thing, but a massive chav with scary drawn on eyebrows that rise up too high and her hair is slicked back as tight as it will go. She seems such a random choice for a head counselor, she’s not approachable at all, and she’s definitely not the friendliest person in the world. I can’t imagine her sorting out the kids’ problems and being understanding when they’re sad. I wouldn’t want to go to her with my issues, that’s for sure.

Our head counselor is a good choice, but I don’t think she likes me much. I swear whenever I’m not being as good a counselor as I should be – having a cheeky nap, or chatting to the other counselors instead of the kids – she’s always there. She’s never there when the campers are telling me how much they love me, or we’re having in-depth chats or I’m doing cool stuff with them. She seems to find the whole camp thing pretty funny, which is a good attitude to have. She just laughs at everything and always finds in favour of the counselors when the kids are being shitty. The other day evil Britney was trying to get us in trouble with her. She strutted back to us and was like, “The head counselor wants to see you”. Then our head counselor told us what Britney had said and that she knew it was lies. We just ended up having a chat while poor little Britney thought we were getting a telling off. Haha, bitch.

Summer camps are exciting places to be and they can provide more chances to unwind than any other place thanks to the outdoorsy lifestyle. The best thing about them is that they bring peers together. Summer camp counselors are generally all school leavers on a constrained budget who can’t afford to travel the world on their parents’ credit card.

Here are 10 reasons why working a summer at camp is an excellent idea once you finish at school…

1. Summer camp is an excellent way to meet friends without necessarily having to go to a party, an activity or an events. It’s a cheap way to interact with people of different cultures and to learn about their background. You’ll never believe the diverse range of people you’ll meet at camp, and the experiences you’ll be opened to.

2. Working at camp is a great way to enhance your CV skills for the future. Do one of the accredited TEFL courses before you go and you could be teaching English to kids at camp for the summer. It’s a brilliant way to increase your future employability once you leave.

3. Anytime spent at home just living your life is expensive. From eating to drinking to just getting around; life costs a lot. Working at a summer camp as a school leaver assures that you will get all the meals free of charge and drinks too. Not to mention board and trips away with or without the kids.

4. Summer camps are a safe place to hang out. You can learn to be yourself away from your high school friends in a safe and supportive environment. It’s a great way to find out who you really are.

5. Working at summer camp is a cheap adventure. In summer camps one is likely to enjoy swimming, hiking the forest trails and staying around the fire without paying a penny. It’s an adventure to just be away from the roads, the familiar buildings and enjoy the natural environment around you.

6. Summer camps do require volunteers to help in teaching the young kids about life and other duties. In participating in these summer camps, a school leaver will learn skills on communication, counseling, proper utilisation of time, leadership skills among many others. This will help add practice to be written in the curriculum vitae while looking for a job.

7. Working at summer camp will help you earn some money. This can help you out in future travels and in purchasing any material to be used in the next academic level or job seeking.

8:26am Woke up this morning to hear there’d been a terrorist attack in London. I don’t know exactly what’s happened, all we’ve heard is that a bomb went off on the Underground and people have died. I was so scared when I found out – I ran across camp and phoned dad from the front office straight away. I felt sick at the thought he might be there – he wasn’t answering his phone. I managed to get through to Nan who said he wasn’t actually even in London, thank god. It was a slight overreaction on my part there, but you just think the worst when you’re so far away from home and everything seems to be going wrong around you.

9:10am The staff room was packed over breakfast – all the English counselors were glued to the TV. Bud is being such a cock about it though. He called a meeting on the tennis courts after he realised all the English counselors were missing from breakfast.

Bud: “You should think yourselves lucky more people haven’t died. Almost 3,000 died in the World Trade Centre attacks.”

Loads of people here are from London, or know Londoners, so it’s a pretty fucking insensitive thing to say. That’s probably the first thing Bud’s done that’s made me not like him. Up until now I thought he was such a cool guy. He told us to get back to work. It’s all made me realise how remote we are – anything could happen in the outside world and we just wouldn’t know about it. In fact, I don’t actually know anything else that’s been in the news this last month.

9:30am Aww, the head counselor just told us we’ve won Super Clean Up. While we were in the staff room the campers had really blitzed the bunk and made it neat and tidy with everything in its place. That was so sweet of them; I’m shocked. Maybe they’re not so bad after all. We’ll get taken out for pizza tonight as a reward now. Mmmm, just what I need to cheer me up a bit.

2:26pm I spent my radio minor with Ben as no kids turned up, again. We lay on the sofa in the staff room together just chatting. He told me there’s a ‘spiritual gift’ within his family and that he’s been able to hear the dead speaking before.

Ben: “I have a strong connection with auras and I can see people
in colours.”
Me (in my head): “What the fuck?”

It’s a really big thing for him and he said how annoying it is when he tells people and they expect some sort of evidence – just as I was about to ask him for some sort of evidence.

Ben: “It’ll come naturally as we get to know each other more.”

Now there’s a loaded comment, I like. I knew he was a sensitive, feels-everything-more-than-most kind of guy. He wouldn’t really go into it that much, but he said that back home his sister runs clairvoyancy nights where she’ll talk to dead relatives for people. I’m not sure what my feelings are about all that. I don’t really see how it can be true, but then some people live their lives by the stars and all that and find comfort in spirituality, so I guess there’s got to be some truth in it somewhere.

We lay there non-stop talking for the hour, no kisses though – for some reason we’ve both gone really shy over the last few days. He feels like a high school boyfriend where we’re too nervous to make the first move, but you can both feel you want to. I’ll try and find him for a little kissy tonight when we get back from our pizza session.

Two of my campers are still saying they want to go home. Anna’s death has really got to them and Rebecca moping about the bunk isn’t helping the mood. All her family and friends are fine in London, but I guess she’s still shaken up. It was an explosion on a bus near Russell Square, which is apparently just up the road from her flat. I guess she’s freaked out that she could have been there and a lot of her friends would’ve been around the area. I totally understand the campers wanting to leave – I can’t believe these kids come for so long without seeing their parents – three weeks is a long time at 13 years old.

1:30am We never went for pizza for Super Clean Up. Instead, Earl decided to have a midnight staff meeting and give us all an absolute bollocking about Jamie and Anna. What a complete knobhead.
Earl: “What the hell do you think you’re all doing?”

He shouted at us then went silent. Some of the counselors were starting to cry.
Earl: “Tears are useless now.”

He said it had been the worst day of his life. He was a personal friend of Anna’s parents as she’d been coming for 12 years and to have to ring them and say that their daughter had died was the worst thing he’d ever had to do.

Earl, raging now: “Do you think you’re all invincible?”

He just managed to stop himself from crying. He’s closed the GC and no one is to go off camp until he says. He made his point, but he’s not really shouting at the right people. We weren’t the drunken people that got in a car in the middle of the night and went speeding. He’s had a horrific time, but there was no need to shout at us all like that, we’ve had a hard time too. I don’t think he needs to worry that it will happen again.

8:16am I couldn’t sleep last night. I just kept thinking about Jamie and Anna’s last minutes. I wonder how long they knew they were in danger? Like, whether they were just looking the other way and it was a split second until they crashed into the tree, or whether they were all screaming as they slid into it. I’ll never know. Whether it was just for a second or a minute it must have been so scary. I can’t imagine how it feels to know that’s the end.

2:18pm The kids have calmed down a bit. The whole situation has bought me closer to them as they’ve just needed someone to talk to, but this definitely isn’t how I wanted it to happen. They’re even affectionate with me now – which I’m finding a bit odd.

I spoke to Cara about it earlier. She’s upset, but not obviously and I think she’s a bit confused about why people who didn’t even know them are crying still. I guess when you look at it like that you could side with her, but I’m genuinely devastated. Pete is on her side, he’s just carrying on as normal. I can’t believe it’s only been a month since we arrived at camp, I feel like a totally different person, especially now this has happened.   

2amish Night off tonight so Danielle, Emily, driver John, and me, went to Winkworth for a drink. We slowly drove past the spot where Jamie and Anna died – it was awful. Judging by the tyre swerve marks on the road John reckons Jamie was speeding at over 90mph down the country roads, with Anna and Leith both on the passenger side. John stopped and we walked around looking at the horrific scene. It was so overwhelming and horrendous to think that this was the exact spot where they’d died. Right there where I was standing, that was the end of them. I couldn’t stop crying, not just with tears, but my whole body was shaking. After the past day of soothing the kids the grief was catching up with me. Anna and Jamie dying so pointlessly and stupidly like that seems ridiculous. What a waste of two lives, just because they were drunk and thought a joyride would be fun.

It wasn’t really helping anyone being there; in fact we were all getting worse, so John made us get back in the car and drove us on to Winkworth. We couldn’t speak for the whole journey; we were just whimpering and staring out of the window.

We got to the bar and it was fun, at first. We’d managed to stop crying and John was buying us drinks, but then it felt wrong to be having fun. How could we be enjoying ourselves drinking in a bar when this is part of what killed Jamie and Anna? They’ll never be here again, and that feels insane. It seems odd and uncaring to even try to get back to the way it was before. The safe bubble around camp that I’d taken for granted has burst – I really can’t cope with, or understand, death. One of my best friends died when
I was 13 and it still upsets me to think about.

We talked about how sound Jamie was, and how he would’ve loved to have been out with us. We’d had a few drinks by this point so we started getting even more emotional. It’s so hard to deal with this massive event in such an odd and enclosed environment when none of us have a minute to think by ourselves. Camp is an emotional place. Everything that happens here seems at least five times worse than it would be in the real world. You’re closer to people here after a week than you ever normally could be.

We were all sat crying at the bar and getting some funny looks from the locals so we left. We went back via the crash site. We’d bought a US flag and flowers and placed them on the exact spot. After one last look and cry we drove to have a drink with the guy who opens his house down the road. I was absolutely exhausted and just fell asleep on a bench as soon as I got there. I don’t think it was much fun as the next minute they were shaking me to wake me up to come home.

When we got back I went to the staff room to see if there were any fun people about – when I say fun, I mean Ben – but there wasn’t. He was so amazing to me yesterday I just wanted to be with him.

September is one of the best months to be in Chicago. The summer humidity is leaving and the winter cold has yet not crept in. Days are warm and sunny and the nights have a bit of a chilly nip. Chicago is buzzing in September and there are loads of things to in ‘the windy city’.

Chicago Summer Dance

Going to the Chicago Summer Dance is one of many things to do in Chicago in September. The Chicago Summer Dance is the largest dancing series in the US. This year it’ll be celebrating 17 years of making people move to the rhythms, 17 years of jumping and 17 great years of joy.

The Chicago Summer Dance is organised by the Chicago Department of Cultural Affairs and Special Events. They set up a 4900 square ft open-air dance floor especially for this event. Moreover, to increase the charm of this already awesome event, the whole dance floor is completely made from recycled materials. This dancing series starts with free introductory dance lessons for all attendees. The dance lessons are given by professional instructors who know how to make you move and are followed by lots of music, dancing and fun. Dance styles from all over the world can be seen here.

Chicago Jazz Festival

Chicago Jazz Festival is Chicago’s favourite Labor Day Weekend tradition. This jazz festival is renowned for its creative flair and has been promoting the appreciation of all forms of jazz through its excellent live musical performances, which are free for all.

The Chicago Jazz festival has been going strong since 1979 in its aim of showcasing Chicago’s vast jazz talent along with other national and international artists. For all jazz lovers regardless of their age, visiting the Chicago Jazz Festival is one of the best things to do in Chicago in September.

Chicago Music Festival

Any music lover in Chicago in September should check out the Chicago Music Festival. It’s organised by the Chicago Department of Cultural Affairs and Special Events and is a huge event.

The Chicago World Music Festival is an eight day city-wide, multi venue festival. Musicians from around the world come to take part and you can experience contemporary and traditional music from around the globe. It’s also free to get in – woohoo!

2:23pm So much has happened, I don’t know where to start. Video Jamie, Anna from circus and one of the new counselors Leith, were in a car accident last night. Jamie and Anna are dead and Leith’s in hospital with a broken neck. It’s been absolutely, unbelievably awful.

Today should have been a lazy day. All the other counselors were meant to be out, but this morning there were no buses to take them, which everyone thought was odd, but no one knew why. Earl and Bud weren’t at breakfast, but I didn’t think too much of it at the time. Then at around ten Earl announced over the loudspeaker that all the campers and counselors were to come immediately to an assembly at the Kennedy Theatre. I rounded up the kids and we went over – you could tell straight away something wasn’t right. All the head counselors, Earl and Bud were stood with stern, blank faces. It didn’t take long for the kids to shut up this time.

Earl: “There was a car accident last night.”

Just in that one sentence he had to keep stopping to catch his breath and bite his lip. He paused. Some of the kids had started whimpering and crying already.

Earl: “Anna and Jamie have died… Leith is in intensive care.”

He had to stop again. More kids were crying as they took in the news. You could see the counselors were trying to hold it together too.

Earl: “They were driving away from camp and there was a deer in the road. They swerved to avoid it… and hit a tree.”

He stopped, for an uncomfortably long time.

Earl: “I know a lot of you will be very upset. For the rest of the day a few of the shops will be running, but take your time to think about Anna, Jamie and Leith.”

By now a few of the kids were wailing. Bud had stepped up to stand next to Earl as he was obviously struggling.

Bud: “Talk to your counselors as much as you need – stay here if you want – and remember we’re here to help you.”

The meeting ended and Earl went straight back to his office, but the head counselors and Bud stayed behind. How could this happen at camp?

I took my campers back to the bunk and a few of them got in bed crying while others just lay staring at the ceiling. I didn’t really know how to react or what we were supposed to do.

I didn’t actually even know who Anna was, but apparently she’d been coming to camp for years as a camper and this was her first year as a counselor. The Mean Girls knew her well, so were really upset. I didn’t know Leith either. I tried to remember him standing up in front of everyone at the Independence Day celebrations as he did the skit for Scotland, but I can’t.

But I did know Jamie, and I can’t believe he’s gone. That’s it ­– I’ll never see him again. It’s crazy. He was so lovely and nice and from what I knew of him, such an amazing person. I only saw him yesterday, and now he’s dead. How can that happen? 

8:12pm Rebecca said someone told her that Jamie had actually been drink driving and speeding and that the deer story is a cover up for the kids. She said she saw them speed into the camp at about midnight, do a 180, and go out again too. Other people are saying that he was racing someone else; I guess we’ll never know.

I knew them taking their cars to the GC and round the town was a bad idea. Being at camp with all the other counselors – even though I’ve never even spoke to some of them – you just feel a strong allegiance to each other. It’s such an intense situation that the other counselors start to feel like family. You kind of feel responsible for each other’s welfare, like you should’ve been looking after each other. I feel guilty for some reason.

I imagine them being hyper up at the GC and deciding it was a great idea to go for a spin to Winkworth, Jamie was probably showing off to Anna by jolting the steering wheel and going too fast. What the hell was he thinking? There were loads of people at the GC last night and usually about ten or so people go on to the guys house along the road for an after party, but last night it was just Jamie, Anna and Leith who went. If only there had been another lot of counselors going – they would have got there and when Jamie’s car didn’t arrive they would have raised the alarm. I feel so, so sorry for their families, they must be in total shock. You don’t say bye to your child leaving for summer camp and not expect to see them again.

9:15pm I’ve just seen Jamie’s camp girlfriend at the front office. She feels so guilty for not being there and not stopping him, she’s distraught. I can’t believe this. Some of the kids haven’t stopped crying, while I think others who didn’t really know them feel a bit weird as they don’t really know what to do with themselves.  

11:16pm It’s pissed it down all day today. Everything about camp is grey and tragic. I rang mum and as soon as I heard her voice I started crying; I couldn’t get my words out. This wasn’t supposed to happen at camp. I had to sneak out to the portaloo earlier to cry as I didn’t want the kids to see me upset.

I’ve sat down with each of my campers individually to talk as some of them have known Anna all their camp lives. Rebecca is devastated – she was good friends with Anna from last year – so I just told her to look after herself and I’d help the kids. Although she’s now been face down in bed all day and I kind of need her to help.

I think a few people are just caught up in the drama of it all. I’m sure some of them are not actually upset about what’s happened, but just upset about the mood on camp. Zoe is one prime example. She’s been even more annoying than usual. After we came back from the Kennedy Theatre and Rebecca was crying in bed, I was trying to calm 12 dramatic teenagers down and she just fucked off to Winkworth for a restaurant dinner with Pip. Obviously when she got back I asked her where the hell she’d been:

Zoe: “It’s just so depressing on camp, I couldn’t hang around.”

What the fuck? Jamie had been filming a show for her so she’s decided he was her best friend and that for some reason she’s more important than all the other kids and counselors. She’s apparently the one who deserved to get out of camp. Zoe hasn’t helped with the kids one bit – she never even came to dinner with us when she got back. If Earl found out he’d go crazy. How can she be so selfish today? I’m pissed off at Pip too. These past few days I’ve thought she was wicked, but at times like these you show your true colours. Why do they think they can get off camp? Everyone’s in the same boat, we should be helping each other. Zoe’s actually just used the death of two people as a chance to bunk off. God, she’s just so shite, she’s really outdone herself this time with her purely selfish actions. I’m angry, but I need to stop thinking about her and concentrate on what’s important.

On a different note, Ben has been absolutely amazing today, so supportive and such a great listener. When something like this happens you really assess what’s important to you, and he is. I’ve only known him a week, but I really like him. A lot.