Tuesday 26th July
7:02pm I just found this note in my bed. I’m in love…
You’re so amazing and funny. I’m so glad you’re my counselor and
I know I’m annoying sometimes, but I don’t mean to be. I think you’re pretty and really sweet, I just wanted you to know.
1amish Danielle and me really wanted to get out of camp tonight. Everyone was saying the GC was closed, but no one could actually be bothered to climb the massive hill to check. So Danielle and me met at midnight and snuck off into the woods on camp to have a cigarette. This was incredibly stupid – Earl’s first wife died from throat cancer and now if you get caught with a cigarette you’re fired, immediately, even if you’re off camp. He said he has spies everywhere and he’ll know. So yeah, not really sure why Danielle and me felt the need to do it on camp – it was fun though – bit of a buzz, but then we just got sad…
You have to be so upbeat all day at camp. You need to be constantly alert to deal with everything that comes at you and stay strong, kind and yet authoritative towards the kids all day and night. It’s easy to feel down in the rare moments when all the buzz and commotion has disappeared. I start thinking deeply about too many things and it’s really overwhelming. We talked about how emotional the last few weeks at camp have been – it’s been tough, but there’s been no time to indulge in those little old things called feelings. It’s so hard to stay positive around the kids and not face your own doubts and confidence crises. Since finding out about Danielle and her life the other day, I’m trying not to let myself get down about things, but everything is relative.
We both said we were scared to go home, although for different reasons. She doesn’t have university or a job to go back to. She needs to decide what she’s going to do with her life and that’s a lot to think about. I know exactly what I’ll be doing, back to finish my third year at university and back to Sheffield. I’m so excited about the future though. Camp has opened my eyes up to so much more that I could be doing with my life. I don’t want to just live in Sheffield and work in boring jobs, climbing the life ladder dictated by society. I want excitement and to travel and really live. Although I moan about everyone and everything, I’ve never enjoyed life as much as I have being here.