Tuesday 19th July
9:19pm All of us alternate dayers went to Kingfisher Falls again for the night yesterday. Driver John took us via Walmart and the wine shop to get some supplies, and then dropped us down there with our sleeping bags and swimming stuff. It definitely felt like a disaster waiting to happen with all of us cooking sausages on the open fire, in high spirits and getting pissed next to the river. We had the bonfire going to keep us warm and we just sat around chatting. There are these bunks down there with one side missing so anyone can sleep in them. They don’t have beds or anything and there’s not enough room to stand up, but they’re perfect for one night in the wilderness. Pete and me decided to go skinny-dipping, until he tried to get me to touch his pierced willy, gross!
Anna’s best mate Jess is in a right state. I shared a bunk with her and she was talking manically and crushing up her anti-depression drugs to make lines to snort. As soon as I met her in about week two I was fascinated by her – she seemed so interesting and complicated. Even seeing her in that state I still thought she was cool. She’s so confident and fun and everyone at camp loves her – for some reason I feel like her issues and angst make her even cooler. My life is just boringly simple in comparison, although I know if something like this happened to me I’d fall apart. I look at people like her – before Anna died – and I think they must be having the best life. She’s loved and slim and beautiful – all the things I want in life. I guess just because she has all the things I want doesn’t mean she’s happy, she wants something else. I need to remember this.
One minute she was talking quickly and crazily and the next she was laying on the floor spaced out. She said everything in her life was a mess before, and now that her best friend has died it could be the final thing to push her over the edge, of sanity and towards suicide, I assume. She hasn’t accepted the death; she’s a wreck. Everybody else has allowed themselves to move on. It was a horrific accident that happened so quickly a lot of counselors hadn’t even had time to get to know Jamie, Anna and Leith. For Jess though, Anna was ingrained in her life. They’re best friends from home and have been coming to camp together for years – she won’t be able to get over it so quickly.
Seeing her in that state brought everyone down. We ended up getting so drunk and morose that we just fell asleep. We woke up in the morning a bit hazy, but ready to go to Truhampton where I spent the day eating and shopping my way around the mall. I printed some photos off my new camera at the chemist of camp so far and I’ve got some really nice ones of Ben and me – we look good together. He’s so tall and muscular; sexy. I just kept looking through them on the way back to camp; Danielle was taking the piss out of me big style. She’s blatantly just jealous.
1:45am Aww, just got back from being with Ben. He’d organised it with the waterfront staff that one of the canoes would be on the other side of the lake from the camp. He asked me to come with him on a midnight walk and then took me out in it in the moonlight. He had a whisky miniature for us to share – it was the most romantic thing anyone’s ever done for me. It was so perfect. We could hear the squeals and noises from camp from afar, but really it was silent apart from the odd cricket in the grass or lap of water as the fish swam around us. He’d bought some hoodies with him so I didn’t even notice the cold once we were in the canoe. He paddled us out a bit and we had a smooch. Ahh, it was amazing!